Will it ever end?

Lily's girth went up again. From 31 to 32.5. In 4 hours. And she didn't take her midnight feed all by bottle so it's back to the stupid, damn feeding tube and I will tell you guys, I can't stop crying because at this rate she is never coming home and I can't take it anymore. Please pray hard because this is devastating and the worst time in my entire life and I just want that baby home so badly that I can't think about anything else. I really thought we were close and every time we get close, something happens and we slide back. The docs think the increased girth is gas. But they don't know and as long as it continues to happen, she can't come home. She is pooping, so it isn't that. I told them no more breast milk. We tried it again and look what happened. I'm trying to keep the faith, but this is so unfair right now. I can't even enjoy Eve because I want Lily home so badly that I think about nothing else. And I can't stand the fact she has had a feeding tube or suction tube down her throat from day one. That's 7 weeks as of Monday. I keep asking God to just make her well and get her home. I'm still waiting.